It's Not The Time Or The Place
by filesfreak4life
Summary: Lucas and Peyton have been married for a year, when yet another challenge comes their way... Told from Peyton's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I got a few different PMs asking me to come back to fanfic world cause Leyton was hurtin' for certain. It's not like I haven't been writing, I just have about fifty different things started and no real drive to finish them… so this is a random one that came to me in a dream. It will probably only be about three or four chapters. ENJOY!**

**All right guys, this is a warning for all… Tissues should be ready.**

I have never been that typical girly girl. No desire for the big wedding and the house in the suburbs. I was perfectly content acting like I was a loner. I wanted love, but I ran from love.

And then there was Lucas.

It isn't what I expected, marriage, because I thought that I wouldn't fit in this. Lucas and I slipped right into everything. After we got back from Las Vegas, we planned the perfect wedding, which consisted of our closest friends and us getting married near the lake where we first spoke. It wasn't extravagant; it was simple, and beautiful… and perfect.

Now it is a year later, and it was like I was meant to be his wife. I was meant to be a Scott and fit perfectly into this family with its strange and baggage filled history.

I open my eyes earlier than I want to because I can hear Luke in the bathroom getting sick for the second time this week. I have learned from my year of marriage that men are stubborn as hell when it comes to being sick.

"Lucas?" I call out to him from the bed, getting up to grab him a glass of water from the kitchen.

"I'm fine." He calls back to me.

When I return from the kitchen, I lean in the doorframe watching him collect himself.

"Thank you." He says, reaching for the glass that I hold out to him.

"You're not fine. Luke, this is the second time this week that this happened… maybe you shouldn't have gone back to work."

"No, I'm fine, I guess I just wasn't over that flu bug." He says, and I can see him falter in the slightest bit when he says it.

"Flu bug… right. You need to go to the doctor."

"Peyton, I went to the doctor, and he said it was the flu."

"Yeah, and what are you not telling me?"

"What do you mean?" he says, splashing some cold water on his face and giving me a look that says he wants me to drop it.

"I mean, you're lying to me."

"I'm lying to you about what, Peyton?" he says, starting to raise his voice.

Lucas and I have had our fights, often times over something stupid. We make up within the hour and all is well again. It's always because we can read each other better than the other thinks we can.

"Whatever is wrong with you." I say, as he brushes past me and back into the bedroom.

"There's nothing wrong, I'm fine, it was just a bug and I'm still going to practice."

"Lucas…"

"Aren't you supposed to be getting ready to meet Haley at the studio?"

"Wow, way to change the subject…"

He ignores me for a full minute as he gets his clothes on and then comes to kiss me on the cheek before leaving.

"That's because you need to drop it…I'm fine." he says, whispering in my ear as he kisses me goodbye for the day.

"Well, what if I don't?" I counter with a raise of my eyebrow.

"Then you're going to be talking to yourself, because I'm done with this conversation." He says, walking out the door without turning back.

Now I'm mad, and I'm running late because of the fact that I had to stew for a few minutes after Luke left that morning.

Haley notices something off the second I walk through the door.

"Hurricane Peyton this morning, what's up?"

"Nothing." I say, more clipped than she deserves.

"Wow, bite my head off, Peyton."

"No, it's not you, Lucas and I just had a fight this morning about something and now I'm mad and I was running late, and I…." I take a second to stop myself from rambling on. "I'm ready to work now."

She has always been the best one to understand what people need because we get right to work, putting some final touches onto the last two tracks we recorded for her newest album. It isn't until a few hours have passed that she brings anything up.

"So, what were you fighting about, now that you've calmed yourself down?" she says in that annoying mother way that we all love her for.

"He was sick this morning again after I told him that it was too early to go back to work. If the doctor said he had the flu, he didn't need to be at practice two days later. It was too early."

"Oh." She says with almost a lack of concern in her voice that I probably should have thought more about.

"Apparently he wasn't over whatever this is that started earlier in the week, but he still swears it's the flu."

"And what do you say?" she says, in a way that causes me to look at her.

The only other person who knows Lucas even close to the way I do is his best friend, and the only other person Lucas really confides in is that same best friend. Haley has always been that to Lucas, and I never expected it to change, but something isn't right. The way she's looking at me right now is telling me something that doesn't sit right.

"What do you know?" I ask point blank, watching the expression on her face change.

She turns away as she says that she doesn't know anything, and I have to point out to her that she is just as bad at lying to me as Lucas.

"Peyton, I… I don't know anything."

"Oh really? Then why are you freaking out right now?"

"I'm not freaking out, I'm just confused." She says, sitting back down across from me after pacing the room for a moment.

Then of course, I'm the one who's confused, "What are you confused about? And what isn't Luke telling me?"

"You need to talk to Lucas." She says simply with a look of urgency in her eyes.

"What's wrong, Haley?"

"Peyton, I can't…"

"So there's something else wrong? It isn't the flu?"

She doesn't say anything, and frankly she doesn't have to.

"Is it serious?"

The second I ask the question, I hate the fact that Haley has always had such a telling face. Her expression changes, and I get up from my chair to grab my things. She's calling after me as I walk out the door, but I ignore it.

He doesn't keep things from me, and he doesn't lie to me. That isn't the man that I married, and I could care less that he is in the middle of practice when I come walking through the door.

"Peyton, what are you doing here?"

"What's wrong?" I say, not caring that half the team along with Skills and Nathan are eyeing the two of us in confusion.

It takes him a moment to realize what I'm asking him, but I see it register on his face…. The spat we got into this morning, "This isn't the time, Peyton."

"I don't care!"

He nods over to Nathan before taking me into his office, nearly wincing as I throw my bag into the chair by the door.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Well, you got snippy with me this morning, and that ticked me off. Haley noticed something was up and asked me about it, and I can tell why you guys are best friends, because you both suck at lying."

"Like I said, this isn't the time, and certainly not the place."

"Well, I'm here and you're here, so it's as good a time as any."

"Peyton, you need to just drop this right now." He says, which frustrates me even more than when he said it the first time we started this argument.

"I'm not dropping it, because you aren't that guy, Luke. You don't keep things from me… and obviously, based on the way you're reacting, this is something that you should have told me a long time ago."

"God Damn it Peyton, I said drop it!" he screams, making me jump.

I'm quiet for a minute because I've never seen him like this. However, the one thing that I never picked up in this whole marriage deal is the dutiful wife role of not talking back to her husband, "SCREW YOU, Lucas Scott! Why can't you just tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Because I'm dying!"

In an instant, all the air is sucked out of that small office, and the two of us just stare at each other.

"Are you happy now?"

He walks past me back out and to the gym and I'm forced to sit in his office by myself for a few minutes. When I finally get my legs back, I wipe a tear off my face that I didn't know was there. He didn't mean it. As I walk out of the gym, I look back to see him sitting off to the side with his head in his hands.

Did he?

I have about fifty thousand different scenarios running through my head right now as possible reasons why he could blurt something like that out to me. I have about fifty thousand worse case scenarios also playing out in my head as well. He was supposed to be home hours ago, and I assume that he's avoiding me. Frankly, I would have done the same thing.

I hear the door to the bedroom open behind me as I'm sitting on the bed still in my work clothes trying to make sense of any scenario that popped into my head.

"How could you ever say something like that to me?" I ask him without turning to see his reaction.

"Peyton… I didn't want it to come out like that."

"What does that even mean, Lucas? What's going on?" this time I turn, nearly pleading with him for answers.

"Honestly?" he asks, and I nod in response before he continues, "I wasn't going to tell you anything."

"Lucas…"

"It's cancer."

My eyes start to well up before the word is even completely out, and it's like everything is coming crashing down at once.

"Chemo… that's what was making you sick this past week. Is it working?" I say, with a glimmer of hope, but see the answer in his eyes.

"No. It wasn't chemo though, it was something different that they were trying."

"So you'll try chemo then. Or radiation therapies."

By now I'm standing up and pacing around the room as he sits in the spot that I just vacated. There was chemo and radiation and all of these new pills and therapies. He was going to be fine.

"This is the 2nd thing I've tried after the chemo."

I stop then, letting what he said sink in before turning to him to ask a question that I know is going to kill me, "How long have you known?"

"Haley's been taking me for treatments the past nine months."

I let out all the air in my lungs, which causes my knees to buckle, and I finally find myself on the floor at the foot of our bed taking in what he just said.

"Nine months, and you didn't think to tell me?"

"Peyton, with everything that you've been through—"

"Exactly, Lucas! You know how I hated being in the dark about Ellie, that killed me, and I didn't get to spend all the time I wanted to with her. I still had questions. There were still things that I wanted to do. There are things that I need you to know. We're supposed to have time. I want the time..."

When he gathers me in his arms, I realize that it is my safe place. What am I supposed to do when that safe place is gone?

"We still have some time…" he says, stroking my hair as I lay my head on his chest.

"How much—wait, don't tell me that. I don't want to know that. I can't do that."

"Okay, we won't. We're going to live, Peyton. We're going to get to tell each other all those things that we want to make sure we tell each other."

"You promise?"

"No… I can't promise that, but I can try…"

It's the first time he hasn't kept a promise with me… and this one he couldn't even make.

Suddenly, I'm taken over by this need for him. I need to be with him, I need to feel him and know that he is there and alive and that we have a future together. He understands it, matching my actions with his, tearing off clothing and kissing inches of skin as if it won't be there tomorrow.

When I wake up in the morning, he's still asleep. I resort back to something that I used to do when we first got married, watching him as he sleeps next to me. He stirs, but I don't stop, waiting to see his eyes open for the first time.

"What are you doing? I thought you stopped this…" he says opening his eyes and smirking at me in that irresistible way that I could never resist.

"Too bad, it's back." I say, smiling at him.

I know my smile doesn't reach my eyes, because his face takes on this save Peyton concern that he always gets.

"Don't do that… you don't need to save me." I tell him as he reaches out to stroke my cheek.

"How are you?"

"I'm not answering that, but I am going to ask how _you_ are."

"I'm fine."

I sit up then, frustrated already at the situation we're in. "Don't do that to me Lucas. I don't want to know how long we have, but you won't keep it all hidden. Ellie did that. She said she was fine, and she kept it all inside, and two months later she was gone. So don't tell me you're fine."

He grabs my shoulders, pulling me back down to him, "Peyton, I really do feel fine."

I believe him, but as he walks away to take a shower, I let myself cry for a few minutes. I'm not a big crier. Lucas says that I'm too emotional but I'm not that big a sap. The tears come easily this time.

Luckily they're gone before he comes back out to tell me that I need to get ready so I'm not late again.

This time, I'm sitting at my desk when Haley walks in, looking through a photo album we made after our honeymoon. I don't hear her walk in until she sits down in the chair across from me, and I try to hide what I was looking at.

The knowing look in her eyes tells me that she knew what I was doing when she walked in, and her voice falters just the tiniest bit when she opens her mouth to speak, "He told you."

I look up at her with fresh tears in my eyes and nod, but Haley knows me. She knows that I need my space with this. I don't need hugs and tears.

"I'm glad he told me, but we agreed that I don't want to know. I don't want to know how long. I don't want to know how bad. I can't do this again, Haley. And Lucas doesn't want to put that on me."

She nods without a word.

"I need you to be there with him. To the doctor and… for all of that, because I can't do that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's what he wants."

"Okay."

We sit there for a few more minutes, letting what just transpired actually swim around in our heads for a bit.

I'm a coward. I know that I am, but I can't do this again. I can't be involved. Not with him. I can't see him weak, and I can't see him giving up.

"Peyton?" Haley finally says, breaking our long silence.

"I can't talk about this Haley."

"I know, I just… Nathan doesn't know. I'm the only one."

"So he was just going to die without letting anyone know?"

"It's Lucas, he doesn't want anyone to hurt more than he can help."

"He doesn't want anyone to hurt? What about you then? Why did he drag you into this?" I say, not understanding his logic.

"I'm his best friend."

"And I'm his _wife_, Haley. Does he not get that?"

"He does."

"No he doesn't, not if he kept this from me for this long."

"He didn't want you to have to go through all of it with him, not until he was sure that he would be okay."

"And now? He's not okay, so how does that work?"

"I just did what he asked, I never said that I agreed with it." She says, walking out of the office, knowing that there wasn't going to be any work done today.

I saw her wiping a few tears away as she walked, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. None of this makes any sense to me.

It continues to make no sense to me as the month goes on. I continually question God and his cruel tricks every chance I get, but this day makes it all worse.

"Peyton, it's good to see you again. I thought that your husband would be here though, I'd love to meet him." She says, making small talk as if anything that she is about to say to me isn't going to change my life forever.

"Oh, no, he couldn't be here, so it's just me."

"Well, I'm sure that you're eager to find out everything, so I'm just going to put it out there."

It feels like I'm swimming through something when she's talking to me, and the tears break through the instant she tells me what I was so eager to hear. Eager would have been the right word two months ago, but now that isn't the word that I choose.

Bittersweet.

It should be the happiest day of my life, or one of them for sure. However, the second she tells me I'm pregnant, I want to curl into a ball on the floor in the corner.

"How far along am I?" I ask with the tears still streaming down my face.

"Well, we won't know that until we do an ultrasound, which we can schedule for a few weeks from now."

I shake my head and insist that we do it now.

"Peyton, I was sure that this was something that you wanted, but obviously something is wrong…"

"I need you to tell me how far along I am. I need a due date. I need to know how long I have, and I can't tell you why. If I tell you why, then every single time I come in here you are going to look at me with those pitiful eyes that scream that you feel sorry for me, and I'm not going to do that to you or to me. I just need to know a due date."

The doctor just stares at me for a minute, obviously shocked by my monologue. She calls out to her receptionist to cancel a few appointments and fits me in.

Then it was another few bittersweet moments.

She asks me if I want to hear the heartbeat and I shake my head. Lucas is supposed to be here for that. Then she asks if I want to see my baby. I try to politely decline but I know it comes out harsher than I meant. Lucas is supposed to see that too, so I can't.

"August 18th, so you have about six and a half more months to go."

I nod, thanking her for doing this today, and she stops me at the door to hand me a small envelope.

"I know that you didn't want to see, but I printed off a few pictures anyways. If you change your mind about anything, you let me know."

I go straight home after the appointment, glad that Lucas had a game tonight that I told him I had to miss because of paperwork and a conference call. What they say about that first trimester is true, because the second my head hits the pillow, I'm asleep.

I wake up only when the bed dips down, "Hey, you must have been tired."

"It was a long day. How did the game go?" I say, wiping my eyes, trying to commit to the conversation.

"We won."

I watch him as he takes his suit off for the evening, noticing that he has lost more weight recently. I push those things aside, but sometimes they hit me at the worst times.

"You don't sound too excited."

"I'm just tired. It was a long day, you know." He says, winking at me from across the room.

"You okay?"

"I could just sleep for a year…" he says, rolling into the bed next to me.

"I'm going to change into some pajamas." I say and turn back to see him already asleep.

I was glad that he was still asleep when I woke up in the morning, because I saw his energy start depleting faster this past week especially. At the same time, it gave me alone time to do something that I shouldn't do.

As I reached into my purse for the envelope, it was a battle that I knew I wouldn't win. Knowing that my child was in there waiting for me to see was something I realized I couldn't resist. We wanted kids, and said that two years down the road was a good time for everything. The label would really be on its feet and Lucas would probably have another book under his belt. It was a great idea at the time.

I didn't know that you could love something you've never even held in your hand. I didn't know that splotches of black and white on a piece of paper in front of you could bring tears to your eyes.

I wrote Lucas a note that said I went to pick a few things up and headed over to Haley and Nathan's.

**That's chapter one! Review if you so choose!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was feeling evil, so this is a short chapter because of where I wanted to cut it at… I hope you're enjoying…**

**PS… to my reviewers… I have a few things to say… **

**First of all, thanks for welcoming me back, cause it really does make me smile…**

**Bendicida82—you and I are fighting, cause I want an update of The Return of Brooke Davis… PLEASE!**

**Juzzy88- I haven't decided… and I don't really think I'm going to go into that kind of detail… however I was looking up if it was even possible for Peyton to get pregnant with all of Luke's issues and medications. Just cause I'm like that!**

**Anyways, review if you'd like, cause I think it's a blast!**

"Peyton?" she says, opening the door as I rush past her and into the kitchen to make sure that Nathan and Jamie weren't in there.

"I need you to tell me."

"You need me to tell you what?" she asks, totally confused by the bursting through the front door.

"I need a timeline."

"No." she says, walking around me to start busying herself with cleaning an already spotless kitchen.

"Haley… please."

She sees the tears forming in my eyes just as Nathan walks into the room looking for a glass of water.

"What's up, Peyton?" he asks, not glancing up, and not noticing the weight in the room until he does just that and looks between Haley and I.

"Haley…" I say, with tears clouding my vision.

"No. You told me no, so I can't…"

"I need to know!" I practically scream at her unflinching expression.

"Why?"

"Because… I just need to know."

"I'm not doing this Peyton, we had a deal."

"What the hell is going on?" Nathan finally says, not understanding why I was in his kitchen crying at eight o'clock in the morning, and totally confused by his wife's behavior.

"August. I just need to know if August is a possibility." I finally say, still not revealing why I came to Nathan, and still attempting to get an answer out of Haley.

"August?" Nathan starts, again confused, "Peyton, that's like seven months away."

"Six and a half." I say, not bothering to glance away from Haley.

When I correct Nathan, I can see Haley attempting to make sense of my request, and I know it the instant she realizes why I need to know, "You're pregnant."

"I need to know." I say as some last attempt to reason with her, begging… pleading for an answer.

"Wait, you're pregnant!" Nathan says, running over to a crying me who is still trying to catch her breath from letting the news get out and giving me a hug, "Oh man! I have to congratulate Luke!"

"No! Nathan, Lucas doesn't know!" I scream as I see him running towards the phone.

He stops before turning around and looking between Haley and I again.

"Then why are you over here?"

It takes me a minute before I can answer his question, but when I do it is again completely directed at Haley, "Because I need to know if I'm going to tell him or not."

"Peyton, you aren't making any sense."

"Haley… August."

I barely see it, but the gentle shake of her head is there and the toast I had from this morning decides that it's going to make an appearance again.

Nathan is the one knocking on the bathroom door to see if I'm all right, holding out a glass of water to me.

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, right Sawyer… like I'm going to believe that."

Mine and Nathan's relationship has always been an odd one. After he and Haley got together, it was like he was a big brother that I couldn't get rid of. He and Lucas were forever my protectors. They were my knights in shining armor.

"Are you going to explain to me why my wife is crying in the kitchen and you're losing your breakfast in my bathroom?"

"Morning sickness?" I say, pushing him out of the way as I move to stand up from my spot near the toilet.

"Try again."

"He's dying. Lucas." I tell him, nearly as simply as it was told to me.

"What?" he says, obviously taken aback by the statement. So much so that when I leave the bathroom, he doesn't follow for a few minutes.

When I reach the kitchen and sit down without another word, Nathan turns to his wife. "Haley, is this true?"

She nods with the tear tracks still fresh on her cheeks.

"You've known and you didn't say anything to me?" Nathan says, starting to get angry, and I can tell that Haley doesn't need this again so soon after me yelling at her for the same.

"Nathan, I just found out a month ago. Lucas doesn't want anyone to know, so he's been keeping it from all of us." I assure him, trying to make him feel better about any of this, knowing that it really isn't going to do anything.

"How long does he have?" Nathan asks Haley, realizing that she must know if that is why Peyton was sitting there right now.

"Nate, I don't want her to say it, I can't know that."

"But you just came in here for that, I don't get it."

"I just… I needed to know if I should tell him about the baby or not… I need to make decisions and I needed to know."

"Peyton, you can't be thinking about not having this baby…" Haley finally says, not believing what I could be thinking.

"Honestly? I sat in the doctor's office yesterday and my spirit was crushed when she told me I was pregnant. I wanted that so bad, but I didn't want it for me. I wanted it for us. So, if there isn't going to be an us, then I don't know what to do." I say, finally revealing what has been going through my head for the past twenty four hours and feeling something rise up in my throat for letting the words actually pass through my lips.

"But it's Lucas." Nathan says, breaking through the haze in my brain, "That baby isn't just some random kid, it's you and it's Lucas. Lucas will live on through that kid, so I don't know how you could be thinking anything else."

"Nathan." Haley says, almost warning him.

"I can't do this by myself." I finally say after a few silent moments, staring down at my still flat stomach.

It is then that it registers to both of them. He looks at Haley for a moment and I don't know exactly what transpired in their glance, but in a moment he is at my side telling me that he will be there every step of the way.

"Haley has been there for Luke, and I want to be there for you. Lucas and I had an ass of a father, but we had a hell of an amazing uncle. Frankly, I want to contend for best Uncle ever." He tells me with that same smirk his brother has.

"I don't want Lucas to know though. I can't let this be his regret."

"Don't let it be yours either." Haley says, and I'm instantly in tears.

"I just can't see the look on his face. Him knowing that I'm having his baby and knowing that he won't be here for it. I can't erase the thoughts that I had before, of what it would be like to tell him after a few years that I was pregnant. To pick out baby names and decorate nurseries. All of that is gone, and I can't have him regret that. I don't want to do that to him."

Haley had come over to me, holding me in a tight embrace while stroking my hair and letting me cry. "It's going to be okay. We're here for you, we're here for Lucas, and we're here for that baby."

"Thank you." I say, finally collecting myself enough to look up at the concerned faces before me.

"What about Brooke?"

"I don't want her to know, and I don't think that Lucas wants her to know either."

"If that's what you want."

I nod, and that begins the next few months of my life, hiding a pregnancy from my husband and best friend.

Lucas started to get to this point where he felt fine for most of the day and then he crashed when he got home. It was good for me, because I was just as tired.

Nathan had been true to his word, taking me to doctor's appointments and convincing me to let me doctor in on the situation. It was Nathan who insisted that I hear the baby's heartbeat at my last appointment, telling me that it was a sound you could never forget. He cried and I cried, not knowing if we were crying about the hope or the sadness of the future that lay ahead. He was living up to best Uncle ever, and I was starting to feel like I could possibly survive this. I could be a mother, and I could raise this piece of Lucas and I with the help of everyone around me.

I was four months into my pregnancy and barely showing. Lucas would know, but he's never up late enough to see me changing and he's never up early enough for the same. On one of his good days, he dropped a bomb I wasn't expecting, waking up before me and watching me sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I was confused for a moment, "Did I sleep in?"

"No, I'm just feeling good today, so I got up early."

"You're feeling better?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to be up, and you were still sleeping."

"Oh, I'm sorry… well let me get you some breakfast." I say starting to stand up and being set back down with a hand to my wrist.

"You were really never going to tell me?" he says out of the blue.

"What are you talking about?" I say, totally confused, but really knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"You weren't going to tell me about the baby?"

I'm instantly dissolved into tears at the realization that he knows, that he's known. "Lucas…"

He holds me close as I cry, explaining to him the reasons why I couldn't tell him. He nods, and seems to be understanding every little part that I shared with him.

"I get it, but I need you to know that finding out that you were pregnant was the happiest moment of my life next to marrying you, Peyton."

"How did you even know? How long have you known?"

"I've known for a month or so now… you left the sonogram pictures out one morning and didn't realize it. I got up to grab some water before heading back to bed and saw them on the kitchen counter."

"I'm sorry." I say, not knowing what exactly I'm sorry for.

"You don't have to be, you are giving me something that I didn't think I was ever going to be able to have." He says with a smile, and all of my fears are realized.

In that moment, baby names and nurseries, birthing classes, talking to my stomach… it all came crashing at me, and I was again dissolved into tears. "Don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Don't be happy about this… I can't… I didn't tell you, because I knew you would be happy. I knew that you would…"

"Try to save you again? Peyton, this baby is what I needed to save myself again."

I'm confused for a moment before he informs me that he started a new treatment the day he found out about the pregnancy. It was one of two last chances the doctor presented him with. He had refused because of how horrible everything else had made him feel, but couldn't go down without a fight.

"I feel a lot better, and results are looking up for now."

"Lucas…"

"I know that we cut each other off, Peyton… and don't deny that's what we did. I need you though, I don't need Haley. I want you with me on this, because you're what I have to live for, you and that baby."

All I can do is nod, completely understanding what he was saying.

It was an hour later when we finally decided that food was necessary, after laying with each other and getting back the lost intimacy of the past few months.

"Wait, come back…" Lucas says, pulling me back down.

I don't understand what he's doing until I feel his lips graze my belly button, and I never know what exactly he whispers to our unborn child that morning. Maybe we will get those moments.

He's getting progressively better as I get into my third trimester, six months along and growing. The doctors are optimistic still, which is enough to keep both of us going.

We're test driving strollers around the store when he tells me that he wants to sit down.

"Luke, we've got to figure this out, because we have to have the stroller and the car seat picked out so we can actually take the baby home from the hospital." I say, knowing that this wasn't what he had planned for his day. Nathan had called earlier that morning wanting to shoot hoops with Jamie down at the Rivercourt, but he had promised me baby shopping, and I wasn't going to let him out of if.

"I know that, Peyton, I just need to sit down for a minute."

"All right, lightweight, go pick out a glider while you're over there." I say, poking fun at him, and honestly thinking that the baby stuff was overwhelming him like a typical guy.

It isn't until he starts coughing that I feel I may have been wrong.

"Lucas?" I say loud enough for him to hear me as well as a few other customers as I'm walking over to him.

He doesn't respond verbally, only allowing the coughing to worsen as he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.

"Luke!" I scream, getting the attention of one of the sales people, who comes running over. "Call 911! Call 911 now!"

After my screams, all I can do is maneuver my six month pregnant stomach around so I'm sitting on the ottoman across from him, "Lucas, you can't do this to me. You have to hold on, you have to get out of here and you have to get better. Do you understand me?"

It wasn't until hours later when the doctor came out to get me, as I was surrounded by everyone we call family in the waiting room. "Mrs. Scott?"

"Is he okay?"

"His immune system has obviously been compromised by the drugs they have him on. He says he's been fighting off a cold, so going out today was probably what put him over the edge. We're going to have to talk to his oncologist, because we need to take him off the drug therapy to get his immune system back to fight whatever he has."

"But won't that make the cancer come back."

"That's a risk we have to take."

"No it's not." I say, starting to get more frantic as my hands flail around.

"Mrs. Scott, you don't understand. If we don't get him off these drugs and get his immune system to fight this, he will die… sooner rather than later."

I laugh at this, knowing that this isn't necessarily the appropriate time for laughter, but not knowing what else to do. We had finally gotten into our routine again. We were having a baby. We were happy, and the cloud that seemed to follow us everywhere had streaks of blue shining through. Now all I see is black.

**There you go guys, another chapter, short as it may be, I hope that you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up, I'm clearly in the hospital, hooked up to plenty of monitors and completely confused.

"You scared us, Peyton."

"Karen?"

"Hey sweetie. You're okay, the baby's okay, and for the time being, Lucas is okay too."

I sit up with a start and she coaxes me back down, "Did they take him off the medicine?"

"Peyton, they had to. And right now, they are monitoring everything very closely. He's going to be okay."

"You don't know that."

"No, but I know my son. He won't walk out on you Peyton, it's against his blood. He can't upset you or hurt you, so he's not going to leave us this way. He's going to fight through this."

"Have you seen him?"

"They won't let anyone see him, it's another risk of infection."

I nod and the tears start coming freely. "Karen, I need him."

"I know you do sweetie, I know you do…."

True to his previous word, Nathan is with me months later when I decide I'm feeling up to going baby shopping again. There are so any things that we still need, and I know that waiting for Lucas to get better to help me with all of it isn't really going to help.

He was slowly getting better, or so the doctors say. It took him three weeks to get over the supposed cold that he had. It was three weeks that we weren't allowed to go in and talk to him. Now he's still in the hospital because they are worried that it could happen again.

"So, what do you think about this one?" Nathan asks, showing off a bright blue patterned stroller and car seat system.

"Nathan, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, so I don't want blue." I say, it coming out sounding more frustrated than I want it to be.

He visibly shrinks at my words, and I'm forced to realize just how harsh they did sound coming from me. "Okay, I was just trying to help."

8 Months pregnant and hormonal gets the best of me, when my tears start. This wasn't what it was supposed to be… Luke and I were supposed to be doing this together, not me and Nathan. I know Nathan means well, and I know that I need to get this done, but it seems like it's all just slipping away from me now.

"Come on, we're done for the day." Nathan says, pulling me in for a hug and guiding me to the front of the store.

"Nathan we still have stuff to get…"

"I know, but today isn't the day. You still have a while, so it's fine."

As we get into the SUV, I turn to look at him from my seat and I'm amazed at this man. "Thank you, Nate."

"Well, I told you once that I'm going for best Uncle, so how am I doin'?"

"I vote you a hundred times over."

"All right, well, we're going to Dairy Queen, cause my niece or nephew wants some ice cream!" he says pulling out of the driveway.

"And that just clinched your title." I say with a smile.

It's the next day, when I'm visiting Lucas that again tells me that Nathan Scott would get that title if there was one to get, because Brooke Davis walks through the door with a smile and a bag full of something I don't know about.

We told Brooke about everything after we decided to share everything with each other. Lucas convinced me that regardless of outcomes, I needed my best friend's support. Of course Brooke moved right back to Tree Hill after that, saying that no job was going to keep her away from her P. Sawyer now Scott.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her as she starts moving things around the room and plugging in her computer.

"Well, Nate called me last night, and he decided that since I'm the pro shopper of the group that I could figure everything out. So I dug around, called some people and I now have all of the catalogs you could ever want having to do with baby stuff, and every website you could possibly find dealing with the same."

"Brooke…"

"Not done yet, best friend, you can't interrupt." She says, pointing her finger at Lucas and I as she says it. "I have everything broken down into categories so you don't have to see the same thing like fifty times, and that includes the nursery furniture. Karen is footing the bill for that, Naley is taking on the necessities, and I've got all the clothes covered."

"That's not…"

"Nope! I know it's not necessary, but we figured that you weren't going to go for having a baby shower, so this is what you get instead. So you two have fun picking out everything and let me know what we need to get. "

It's Lucas' turn to be thankful now as he picks up one of the catalogs and turns to Brooke to thank her, "Brooke, you don't know what this means to us…"

"I do, that's why we're doing it. Now get shopping."

It takes a few days of us pouring over the catalogs before we have figured everything out for the baby. There were some arguments and there were some disagreements, but it was all settled and Brooke was coming by later to pick up all of our ideas.

"So, now that's over with, do you want to start working on names?" He asks me, still with a smile on his face.

"Nope, I'm done for the day."

"Well, can I throw some your way to think about for a little bit?"

"Should I be scared?" I say, raising my eyebrow at him.

"I want the baby to have some of Keith if it is a boy, whether its his first name or middle name, I'd like that… and I think that we should do the same for your mom, for Anna."

"Lucas, I don't know what-"

"Don't decide anything now, I just want you to think about it, okay?"

I nod before kissing him on the cheek and moving to get my things to head home for the night.

"You're leaving me already?" he asks, sheepishly from his spot on the bed.

"Me and baby have had a long day, so I need to get out of here, but I'll be back tomorrow after work."

"My sugar mamma can't take the day off to be with me?"

I smile, walking back over the kiss him on the cheek before telling him another goodbye.

When I get outside, another problem awaits me.

"Mrs. Scott, how's he doing?" the doctor asks me.

"Shouldn't you know that?" I counter, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know that we've talked about all of this, but you're sure about your decision?"

"The reason why Luke stopped treatments before was because he couldn't live his life the way he wanted to, he wants to be home, so whatever needs to be done to get that to work, needs to be done."

"Mrs. Scott, you are aware that if this next course of treatment doesn't work, your husband won't have much time left."

I nod, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me cry again in front of him. He had pulled me aside a week ago to tell me that the drugs they had him on before he got sick were not working anymore, leaving us with only two more options. Stop everything, or try one last thing. He agreed that he would approach Lucas as this is just another part of the treatment, not explaining to him that this was something entirely different. He wanted to be home, but I couldn't bear the thought of him knowing that it wasn't working yet again.

When I get home that night, it's a new record for me. I made it into my pajamas before curling up with one of his shirts and crying myself to sleep. This is of course how Haley finds me the next day.

"Peyton?" she says, coaxing me out of my sleep with a whisper.

"Haley, what's wrong?" I ask her, sitting up as she continues to lounge on Luke's side of the bed.

"Nothing, girly… Nathan wanted to come by and start painting, so I've got to get you out of the house for a while, can we do that?"

"I told Luke that I was going in to work today, and then coming to visit him."

"And something tells me that it's the last thing you want to do today… including going to the hospital."

My lip starts to quiver when she says it, partially because she's so right and partially because I can't believe the thought had actually crossed my mind.

"I've got that covered tonight, cause you're going over to our house for movies with Brooke while Nathan puts together furniture after his paint job."

"He doesn't need to do that."

"It's totally okay… Skills and Mouth are coming over in a bit to help him too. It's going to be some guys day. No protest on the hospital?"

I look up to her with fresh tears in my eyes, "I don't think I can do this much longer, Haley. I can't watch him go through this, and I can't put myself through this."

"Peyton, he's getting better."

The simple tears turn into sobs at this point, and there's no controlling what is coming out now, "No! He's not! The doctor has to switch treatment, and this is the last chance… this is it, and he can't know about it, and I can't handle much more of this!"

She holds me for a while, and I can hear Nathan come in and ask if we're okay. I don't even know what she says to him, but the next thing I know, Nathan is laying me on the bed of the guest room in their house. "Nathan?"

"It's okay, you fell asleep… and you need some more of it too, so sleep for a little bit, and Haley will have some lunch ready for you when you get up."

I don't answer him, but welcome the rest that envelops my body as I fall into another fitful sleep.

The night goes by and I'm grateful for everyone that Luke and I have in our lives. We have this wonderful family that we created on our own, and I couldn't see it being any better than that. There were times when I thought about that too, knowing what Lucas and I have, and knowing that regardless of anything, that baby is going to grow up with a lot of love around him or her.

"I know that I haven't been around much, but as you can see, it's getting harder for me to get around by myself. That, and Lucas isn't doing too well. I can't fight for him, and I know that. It's up to the Gods or whatever the hell is in charge of all this stuff. Now, if you are in cahoots with the big guy can you tell him that the whole 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' thing is a little played out by now? I know that He can throw more my way, but I'm thinking that I can't handle much more. I need Lucas, but I know that I've got so much support around me that I will be okay…."

I pause for a moment to look at the weathered stone in front of me, even looking past it towards the stone in remembrance of a man that had so much meaning in my husband's life. That's when the hormones and the week catch up with me.

"So… is it selfish of me to say that I just want him to stop suffering?" I say on an already shaky breath, "Is it selfish of me to want it to stop so he can not have to deal with it, and I can move on either way? God, whatever is going to happen needs to just happen. Let him die or let him be a miracle… just let it happen."

I don't know then if I'm talking to my mom or that higher beings, because in my mind it is a blur. I knew that Lucas couldn't continue on in the state he was in, and I had finally realized through Lucas constantly telling me and through the actions of our friends… we would be okay.

The next month or so goes by so quickly that I can't remember most of it. Lucas was still up and down, but he assured me that he wasn't in any kind of discomfort. I believed him though, because I could see it in his eyes. Maybe my realizations were matched in the man that I loved. I visited every night until the night my water broke.

It was Nathan and Brooke in there with me when I had the baby, Beth Anna Scott… my baby girl. A day later, I was able to walk down and let her meet her father, who I had never seen so happy.

"How are you?" he asks me from his bed as he holds the baby.

"I'm good…" I say in that still dreamy state that is brought on by either a lack of sleep or the fact that I was so mesmerized at the little girl that I didn't think was ever going to be a possibility.

"She's perfect…"

"She is, isn't she… I think we did good."

Luke laughs a bit, not wanting to wake the now sleeping baby in his arms. "I love you, Peyton."

"And I love you, Lucas Scott…"

**THE END**

**Okay, so I know that you guys want to shoot me right now, but I couldn't really write an ending to this that I was happy with. It was like I was back and forth between letting them get this happily ever after and not… so I'm letting you decide for yourselves if he lives or dies. Tell me what you think, but I guess you'll have to concoct your own ideas in your head, cause this baby is WRAPPED!**

**Now… onto my other fics that I have half written!**


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